This post would be a mess, I don’t even know how to start it.

Okay, maybe I should explain why I don’t italic my english sentence, instead, I continued writing in english. So, I would get sick if I don’t write this, but as I’ve said this post would be a mess. Actually, it will be an reveals of  the darkside of mine of and I don’t think wanna my friends in school read this. I don‘t mean that everyone in my school are stupid or something, but at least they will to lazy to read this because we don‘t fluent in English and who did will too lazy because my grammar suck. Second, people said when you use different language, your personality also change, and I feel, literally, when use English, I can put my normalness down and, well, it made my embarassement level so high I can’t even reach that this time. And that’s really important that I would write this.

So, once my friends ask me what ‘fangirling’ is (while she's reading one of my post that included this word). And I told her with the easiest way.

“It’s like when a bunch of girl screaming when they look at One Direction”

I didn’t know if I right or wrong, but she nodded that she understand. And that time we were in silence as she continuing read my post and I thinking. From, what fangirling actually means to what the f*ck am I doing with my life.

Clearly I don’t remember since when I start fangirling to something. Is it when I drew every single kirby in my magic book? or since I drew every element of princess school at digicharat anime? or maybe when I (also) try to list every power ranger series thet ever made?

Back to those day, I don’t even know if there was word fangirl. I just did it because I really like that stuff, and didn’t want to lose it from my life.Yeah, think about that, a clumsy elementary student girl have a problem with obsession.

I came to next level when I choose carefully when I want to love something, because I knew someone who love point out someone else as a fake fans. Which is terrifying to me. I hate her anyway, and she makes to make sure myself to knew bout something to claim myself as a fans. Yeah, you suck.

Kidding. I become a stalker even before I met her, remember? But in this stage (what?) I’m still ok because I have good friend to hang with. I also still have that idealism to not like much at something, and then my limited internet concection, God bless me.

And everytime I have obsession at something I just proud of myself as introvert who have loyalty at their interest since we love to knew something deep. Being such a unstable teenager is not my dream. I’m a fanatics of being non-fanatics (?)

But this not good anymore. I realize this when I saw danisnotonfire videos about Fandom and relate at it so much. Highscool is awful I’m not gonna lie, and I need something as a runaway from reality (?). Place that I can get really into it, amaze at every details and forget about my personal problem for a while. I think this is also the same reason why I love books, it keeps me guessing, keeps me stay, gives me feels, and broke me inside umm, in a good way.

But what I am talking about is:  I stay awake until 3 am only to watch videos or repin thing. Pin? Yeah, remember those post when I talked about pinterest? Now, everytime I finish a book or watch film or just like some stuff I go to pinterest to see more stuff related and got feels. I’m proud to myelf that I don’t have tumblr, my life can be worsen.

Yeah, that’s its. And now, before I feel more crazier, I want to share what my ‘obsession’ in this few weeks (yeah, I became that unstable teenage, I hate myself)

The worst and the very new is to Dan and Phil, which is means to they I awake to 3 am just to watch their videos. I mean, they have vlogging in 10 years, and so many video of them and I want watch them all so bad. I can relate many thing to Dan as we are socially awkward and Phil, Phil are adorable, I can’t hold myself. Plus Phandom are crazy that leads me to pin every single post full of pheels that I found myself had repin more than a hundred in two days I started obsess them. I felt proud and terified to myself.

And how could I found them? well, You may know or not know my previous obsession is Jon Cozart. He’s a hot talented man and I can’t to not loved him (whatch his videos, They’re amazing). Yeah, so I search about him in pinterest and pinterest keep recommend me to Dan and Phil. At first, I don’t wanna see their videos, I knew I would addicted and I love myself, but you see I’m kinda a rebel and watch their videos and BAM!

Hey, that doesn’t mean I leave Jon Cozart. Once you get to a fandom, THERE’S NO ESCAPE. I just get hype at something for a while and will get calm soon. I thought it also because my personality was Slytherin and ISTJ. You see how freaking Snape I am. Could you imagine Alan Rickman fangirl at something? Yeah that’s me in social life and same reason I don‘t wanna my ordinary friends read this. Like, okay I have this problem, but that’s does not means I always like this. And why didn‘t we see the positive effect? At least when I saw this amazing people, I feel inspired and they encourage my selfconfidence. Plus, I can learn English as well.

And finally, note to myself (which is from my logical side) fangirling is unhealty, don’t do it too much (I’ve did it, craft in the corner)

How about you? Are you easily have obsession to something too? Or maybe you survived and would like to tell me how you through fangirl?

Btw, Why didn’t you check my Pinterest (and my youtube subscribe too)? My obsession is cool stuff (flips hair), you should like it. Okay, goodbye.


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